The Light of a Firefly
by InsaneDutchGirl
Summary: In times of war, brothers have to make difficult decisions. A small drabble in the SAINW-verse. Heads up, this is a spin-off so the drabble doesn't follow the original story-line. Also, rated for being very dark and possibly disturbing to a younger audience. You have been warned.


**Okay, a little heads up, this is a dark one. Like really dark so not for the faint of heart. It's a SAINW spin-off, the way I thought everything should've happened so it'd be a little less painful, well for me then. But it's still SAINW so it's still harsh and awful and really no good stuff happening. Oh, and there's swearing, just so you know. It ain't too bad though, I think.**

 **Happy reading :D**

The Light of a Firefly

If you would have asked Leonardo what he had done to deserve all this, he would tell you he didn't know. He wasn't completely innocent, free from any sins. No, far from that. He had stolen before, killed before. But all of that was for his own survival and that of his family. His father and his brothers for whom he would do everything in his power to see them happy. They are the only ones in his life Leonardo truly cares for. And now they are taken away from him, one by one.

"Michelangelo."

Leonardo has never heard his own stoic voice crack like this before. Ever since he was young, around thirteen years old or so, he understood that when his brothers were afraid, he should keep his tone levelled when he spoke to them. He is their oldest brother, became their leader even, at the tender age of sixteen. Panic is something he has learned to suppress a long time ago. For his brothers' sake.

But now, tonight, when his youngest brother needs his strength more than ever before, he cracks the same way Michelangelo's arm has cracked underneath the roof that had collapsed only minutes ago. Slowly Leonardo moves closer, making sure no one can see him when he crosses the last few steps through the room towards the place where his brother lies.

Leonardo had already found out the young, sea green turtle is unconscious and won't be able to answer any questions the elder might have about his well-being. When Leonardo comes to squat next to his brother, he doesn't waist a second and trails his fingers along his brother's neck before they press down underneath the jawline. He does the same with his other hand on his own neck as soon as he finds the strong beat thrumming underneath his fingers. He compares it to his own and sighs a relieved breath. With all the adrenaline coursing through his veins, Leo knows his own heartbeat isn't a liable comparative. But this also means that the slightly slower heartbeat of his youngest brother is nothing to worry about.

With an injury like this the orange clad turtle should be going into shock soon though, so Leonardo knows it is important to keep measuring his brother's pulse. There is no way Leo can properly access the situation of his youngest brother's arm but he knows that this isn't mild. The lower half of the limb is completely engulfed and it's likely that the weight on top of it has simply crushed it to bits.

For now, however, Leonardo revels in the fact that his brother is still alive. He allows himself to take in a couple of breathes before doing anything else. He hears gunshots not too far from the room he is in. Or at least, the place that was a room before the entire ceiling came down on him and everyone else who was inside or nearby. It should've been nearly impossible for Michelangelo to even have survived the collapse, let alone coming out of it relatively unscathed except for the arm. But then again, the youngest turtle always has luck on his side. Leo can only hope it's enough for his brother to survive.

This place used to be one of the stake-outs where they would hide from the Shredder's Legions if they couldn't get back to base in time. Leonardo supposes one of their troops was followed, despite their care to remain unseen. They were out-numbered and with nowhere to go, the only thing they could do was fighting for their lives inside the already run-down and probably unstable building.

A soft moan comes from the figure next to him and Leo tenses. Before either him or his brother can properly access the situation they are in, Leo has his hand firmly clasped over Michelangelo's mouth. He can feel the vibrations through his fingers but is able to muffle most of the screams that tear from his little brother's throat. Outside, the battle to survive is still going on and by what Leonardo has seen before the collapse, they are losing. They can't be found. Not now that he has found Michelangelo alive. The Foot need to believe that everyone in this part of the building was killed. If they don't, Michelangelo won't stand a chance.

"Keep quiet, Mikey, please keep quiet," he whispers next to his brother's head. "I know it hurts like hell but I need you to forget about it. Nod your head if you understand."

There is a movement underneath his hand only moments after he is done speaking. Good, it means that the sea-green turtle is aware of his surroundings. The cut-off screams of pain and anguish aren't relenting though, and it worries Leo a lot. If his brother's screams are any indication, the state of his arm must be far worse than Leo had anticipated at first.

After only God knows how long, Michelangelo seems to get tired of screaming and crying, the sounds becoming less and less but never completely silencing. The last sooths Leo. His youngest brother is never quiet and as long as Leo has anything to say about it, Michelangelo will always be barking of laughter, chirping with joy and chattering everyone's head off for the rest of his very long life. If _only_ Leo would have something to say about that.

"Leo?"

A weak hand pushes against his own, a tiny voice laced with pain making itself known. Blue eyes stare up into brown ones and to Leo's surprise the look his brother shoots him is almost pleading. The younger turtle looks confused and distraught, making Leo frown in concern.

"It's going to be okay, little brother," he assures. "I'm here."

"Leo, Leo, Leo," the younger starts to moan while shaking his head from side to side. Leonardo tries to shush him again but to no avail. He puts his hand back over the moving head, trying to muffle the sounds again, but accidently touches the shoulder of the injured arm. His little brother immediately starts to wail loudly.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, but you need to keep quiet, Mikey," Leo pleads with his brother. "Don't scream or they'll find us."

He can only hope his words get through to his brother. Michelangelo's head keeps thrashing from side to side, his right arm searching blindly for something to hold onto. But with the increase in movements, the sounds start to die down like Leo had asked from him. Leo grabs his baby brother's hand, squeezing it tightly, silently thanking his brother for following an order he should never have to give. How can you expect someone to muffle his screams of agony?

"Leo," his little brother wheezes as quietly as he can. "Make it stop."

The desperate older brother can't do more than hold the green hand enclosed within his own a little tighter. There is nothing he can do to make the pain go away. He doesn't even know the extent of the damage. Is it fixable? How long and how painful will the recovery be? And how much of their limited resources is it going to take? To Leonardo nothing is too much when it comes to his family but he knows that others of the Resistance will have their doubts. Day in, day out the biggest question of all will always be: is the individual worth it? Will the move they make be beneficial to the cause? How can as many as possible survive and thrive?

It's those questions being asked every single day, and the answers being given to those questions by him, April and others, that have Leo losing hope rapidly. He knows that no matter how many distress calls are made right now, even if any of them will even reach the base, no one is going come and save them. The only hope of survival is fleeing this place unseen and making it back to safety alone.

"Leo, stop it!"

His brother is getting more restless now, franticly moving about which only hurts him more in the end. However, because of the bloodloss and exhaustion from pain, he can't keep it up for long. The croaky, dry voice keeps the sounds from traveling too far as well, so Leo doesn't have to silence him again.

"I can't help you, Mikey, I'm so sorry. Just calm down. Calm down and wait for the others to come. Wait for Raph to come."

To be honest, Leonardo isn't even sure if their red banded brother is even on his way. The two eldest Hamato-brothers fight more often than not nowadays. Would Raphael still care? He must've heard about the attack by now. He had stayed behind at the base, training some rookies instead of going out on the provision bust. It was a routine mission, getting into the warehouse, taking as much food with them as possible, and getting out. Nothing that would take the strongest and most-capable fighters to complete. However, when Raphael stays behind, it doesn't mean he'll stay at the base. Often he goes onto the streets to find escaped citizens or to try and feed some starved children who are forced to do work which their tiny bodies aren't strong enough to do. The sounds of this large-scale attack should be loud enough for the ever-vigilante Raphael to hear.

How Leonardo wishes for his brother to be here. Maybe they could come up with a plan. And even though Leo knows that when they lift the rubble, which is next to impossible, Michelangelo will still bleed out long before they reach the base. But maybe, just maybe, if his last brother is here, they can both at least say goodbye. And make Mikey feel safe. But for now, it doesn't look like his youngest brother will even be granted that limited amount of comfort.

In a heart-felt, and rather sickening moment, Leonardo has the unsettling feeling that maybe Michelangelo isn't the lucky one out of them after all.

"Leo, Leo," Mikey keeps calling his name until Leo's hand gently guides the trashing head so it can face his, their eyes meeting. Tears are steadily flowing down the sea green cheeks and immediately Leo's fingers starts slipping because of the slick moisture covering them. The small moment of contact between the brothers keeps them both silent, giving Leo the time to recollect his thoughts and for Mikey to build up his courage.

"Leo please make it stop. You can do it for me."

For a second Leonardo thinks his little brother is confused and possibly uttering nonsense because of the fear and pain clouding his mind. Possibly even a concussion. But when he sees the way his brother's eyes fixate on one of his katana-blades, he understands his brother knows exactly what he's asking from Leo.

He tries to ignore it for now though. Mikey is in pain, in serious, brain-addling pain that won't let him think of anything but solutions to how to get rid of it. Leo won't allow that. It's Mikey they're talking about. The goofball, the surfer-dude, the kid-brother who never allows anyone to suffer or be alone because that's the kind of person he is. What Mikey _doesn't_ do, however, is wanting to die. And Leo for one, is going to make sure his little brother will survive.

For what? Leo will never know. There is nothing left for them in this world. The way Mikey's happy-mask cracks a little more every day, confirms that. But to Leo it is simple. He can't take the losses anymore. Two years ago his second youngest brother left without a trace, never to be seen again. A year and a half later they lost their father due to an explosion underground, leaving him buried alive in their own home. Shredder had been planting bombs in the sewers for months to try and chase them out of hiding. Three months after that it was Casey who departed, leaving April heart-broken and the leader of the Resistance. How many more of his already small family does Leo have to say goodbye to? All because of a feud. All because of _one_ man.

"Raphie…"

Leo's heartrate picks up a little when he senses his hot-headed brother's approach. He can see by the look on Mikey's face that he is also relieved to find out that what's left of their brotherhood is now finally together again.

When he crouches closer, Raphael hisses an evil breath. "The hell did ya do to yourself, Mike?" he mutters between clenched teeth, more to himself than to his brothers. Without another word he moves towards Michelangelo's side, putting his baby brother's head into his lap as he sits on his knees. A few whimpers of pain leave the young turtle's lips but he doesn't complain when the top of his head comes into contact with a familiar plastron.

"Ya got yourself into some deep shit, didn't ya knucklehead?" Raph chuckles nervously, forcing himself to stay relaxed as he takes in the damage done to the only younger brother he has left. Mikey doesn't answer, only relishes in the close contact between him and his older brother for, what he knows, will be the last time.

"Leo, we gotta get this off of him," Raph says, pinching Mikey's uninjured shoulder to comfort him a little. Only by mentioning how they would need to move Michelangelo's arm, Raph can feel his little brother tense up. Mikey could just _feel_ the fresh waves of pain that would be shooting up and down the left side of his body if they would even do as little shift an inch. For now his arm still throbs steadily but he can't feel much. He knows this is a bad sign, no matter how glad he is that the pain finally subsided. It probably means either shock, or death is nearing. Maybe even both.

Leonardo shakes his head. "We can't," he says, flinching when his brother in red shoots him a murderous glare. "Practically the entire building is on top of him Raph, how do you suppose we're getting him out of here? It's a bloody miracle he's still alive!"

His own anger scares him, but Leonardo knows that no matter how harsh his words have come out, Raphael will understand he is just feeling afraid and helpless, because he knows he is right. The rubble his brother is buried underneath reaches far over their heads. If they have to dig Mikey out, they need to start at the top or they'll risk destabilising what's left of the roof and walls. All could come down over Michelangelo if they aren't careful.

"Raph, you got to tell Leo that it's time. It hurts too much," Mikey says, this time facing his brother in an awkward craning of his neck due to his current position.

Raph's confused face meets Leo's, who does nothing more but motion towards the katana strapped to his back. A dark look crosses the second-oldest's face, one so fierce that Leo adverts his eyes back to their injured, younger brother.

"Ya know how Fearless is, Mikey, he's kind of hard to convince," Raph tells his little brother, his voice on the brink of breaking into smithereens and the hands on the sea green shoulders tightening.

"Thought you were the one with the hard head," Mikey replies, a teeny, tiny smile forming on his face before he starts shaking again. The tremors that wrack the smallest turtle's body aren't from cold but rather shock. He's getting worse and they all know it.

"Please," Michelangelo whispers, a grimace full of anguish plastered on his face. "I'll feel so much better if one of you does it."

It's Leo who finally makes the decision, refusing to let Raphael do it. It would break his immediate younger brother in more ways than they can afford. But if this is Michelangelo's last and dying wish, Leonardo will be the worst brother in the world if he refuses. They can't wait for reinforcements that they know will never come, Michelangelo will only suffer more instead of being comforted by the slimmer of hope that he can be saved.

Leonardo locks eyes with Raphael, who looks rather lost for a moment. But then his eyes burn with a kind of determination that helps to encourage Leo.

Leo stands up and unsheathes one of his blades, standing over the prone form of his youngest brother. A sigh of relief escapes Mikey's lips, his tired features relaxing some now he knows soon he will be pain free, going back to join his father in eternity.

"How do you want it done, Mikey?" Leo asks next, moisture gathering in the corners of his eyes but his voice not giving it away. He will stay strong for his brother until after the spirit of their family has left them. Then he can break down. For now, he'll keep his composure so Mikey will have a passing that is as peaceful and calm as possible. A passing he deserves, even though Leonardo had always hoped it would be happening years and years later and surrounded by family and loved ones. Not two broken brothers who are nothing when they aren't a quartet.

"My chest," the youngest turtle breathes out. "I don't want to feel the pain too much."

Raphael bends over, curling his arms around his baby brother's head and leaving his head hang low. Their faces are only centimetres apart, their breaths caressing each other's faces. Michelangelo's eyes are bright, the small smile on his face reaching into them and making them shine. It's the way Raphael wants to remember his youngest brother forever.

"Te no ue ni (In my hand,

Kanashiki kiyuru sadly, it fades

Hotaru kana" the firefly)

Just like every warrior belonging to a clan and dying with honour, Michelangelo deserves a death poem. It is a poem Leonardo believes his little brother can identify with. His light was always like that of a firefly, a tiny yet bright sparkle which you can only admire and truly appreciate when it is dark all around you.

That's what Michelangelo did. When their lives were good and everyone was happy, the childish jokes and hyperactive ways of their youngest clan-member seemed rather annoying but something they tolerated for the Mikey's sake. But when harsh times came upon them, they all can remember at least one moment in which Michelangelo's antics brightened their day and made them feel better. The orange clad ninja remembered them that the only things you will need in life is a home and a family.

For one so dedicated to his father and brothers, Leonardo is relieved his baby brother doesn't have to witness the entire destruction of what lasts of the Hamato-clan. His brother can die with the shimmer of innocence that he has held onto through all their hardships and suffering. It was never taken away from him, not even now. The firefly's light is still shining.

Leonardo wants his little brother to know what he means to him. What he'll always mean to their family, even when they've never thanked him for it. He sighs deeply.

*"Anata no koto wo daijini suru, otouto."

He takes the handle of his Katana in both hands and comes to stand over is brother. Raph makes sure Michelangelo can't peak past his muscular arms. Their younger brother will feel better if he won't see the blade coming down to end his life. Their plastrons are tough but with the strength Leo will put behind the blow, he should be able to pierce his brother's heart without giving him the chance to feel pain.

"I'm so sorry, little brother."

Soft, as if it wasn't even spoken out loud, but only somewhere in the back of Leo's head, a quiet voice penetrates through the fogs of guilt and sorrow that swirl through Leonardo's mind.

"You've got nothing to be sorry for, Leo."

Before he can lose his courage, Leonardo uses his last few ounces of strength and pierces the Katana straight into his baby brother's heart. There is a shudder, as if the body is electrified for a second. Then it falls back onto the ground, never to move again. It seems calm enough. Fast enough for the young turtle to pass without feeling the pain.

For a moment it is silent. Raphael raises his head and locks eyes with the only brother he has left. His fingers run over Michelangelo's neck, much like Leo had done before. His fingers press upon the pulse-point only for a few seconds. Raph bows his head, shaking it from side to side as emotions overwhelm him. Never does he let go of the lifeless head lying in his lap.

Leonardo collapses on top of the youngest's plastron, feeling the blood that starts pooling from the wound in his brother's chest. It's still warm. He starts crying, begging his brothers, his friends, even his father for forgiveness. Neither of the two brothers know how long they stay there, drowning their deceased brother with their tears. Both know the moment doesn't last that long as they want it to.

The next day the two oldest, only-remaining Hamato brothers come back, endangering their own lives to come collect their brother's body. Leo remembers how painful it had been that they never were given the chance to say goodbye to Donnie properly and how much it hurt that there wasn't a body to burry when Splinter and Casey passed. Even though they had to mutilate their little brother, sawing of his arm to get him from underneath the collapsed roof, Leonardo, Raphael and April feel worlds better when they lay Michelangelo to rest in a secluded, but peaceful place. One where no one will ever disturb him again.

Decades later a young, purple-clad turtle stumbles into the demolished city. When he was found by April O'neill, leader of the Resistance, and told about his brothers and how they had fared, he demanded to see the grave of his only little brother. All he could think of was how glad he was that Michelangelo didn't have to grow up in the horrific future he had seen so far. He was sure the Resistance would have shattered everything that made Michelangelo, Mikey. Even a light as strong as his was, couldn't survive the horrors of the every-day life that came with Shredder's merciless reign.

Donatello was able soften the heart-ache with the knowledge his little brother was safe and sound and happy. Just the way he had always known him to be.

 _When the firefly dies, his light goes out seconds after. The firefly died a good death._

 _When the light goes out and the firefly lives on, the firefly lost a big part of what made him special. The rest of his short life will be torturous and lonely, as he cannot navigate his way home without his light._

 ***You are very important to me/I hold you dear, little brother**

 **Uhm… right. I killed him. Oops. Still though, I think this is a better ending for Mikey than the SAINW future. At least his brothers are still by his side. He didn't lose his light. So yeah, leave a review when you have calmed down a bit, okay? (Yes Athese, I mean you baby sis!)**

 **See ya!**


End file.
